Mistake
by Soulhost
Summary: Listening to his lost love, Alistair recalls the past and his mistake, and stumbles upon the truth.


_Disclaimer: I not own Dragon Age: Origins or any of their characters...or the last name of the PC_

_Claimer: My elven mage/arcane warrior belongs to me_

_A/N: I hadn't done the ending where when Alistair becomes king that he dumps you if you aren't human noble. There has been changes made to fit with this oneshot. Please enjoy :)_

----

_"Stay here?! What are you talking about?!"_

_"Stay here in Redcliff."_

_"Last I recall, you knew that I'm a Grey Warden as well!"_

_"Don't forget that you're also the king, _newly_ might I add. It wouldn't be good for Denerim if their king was killed in the battle."_

_"Yes, because a _bastard_ king would be such a great loss."_

_"You're being a bastard now."_

_"That was _so_ funny, I forgot to laugh."_

_Before he could even think, he felt a large pressure against his body that made him fly and onto his bed; the cold look in her dark eyes made his heart flutter. It wasn't everyday that she took on that cold look, but when she did, it made his heart almost fly out of his chest. It showed that she wasn't any mage, but an arcane warrior, though the greatsword that she now used could have given _that_ away much faster._

_He was about to grab her hand and pull her to bed with him, but his treacherous mind reminded him that those days with her were gone. All because he was king and she was a mage, an elf on top of that. And they were both Grey Wardens, with the taint in them. And when his thirty years had gone up, he would need a heir, and a wife that wasn't six months after him. But the very thought of loving another woman raked at his heart._

_"Alistair!"_

_Hearing his name made him look up at the woman that he still loved and she still had that cold look in her eyes._

_"Yeeesss?"_

_He caught the startled expression on her face and the brief emotion in her eyes, but it was gone as soon as he blinked._

_"Are you going to listen to me and _stay here_?"_

_He couldn't repress the sigh that escaped his lips._

_"If it makes my Warden happy."_

_"I'm not yours anymore."_

_He looked at her startled, if not a bit hurt, as she turned towards the door._

_"Goodnight."_

_"Hey, hey! What did Riordan want to talk about? Since you so _graciously_ told me to go to my room like I was in trouble."_

_She stopped and she didn't answer, nor did she turn around. He stared at the back of her head oddly; did he say something that made her stop like that? But she finally glanced over her shoulder at him and he noticed something was...off. Her eyes seemed almost glazed._

_"He wanted to discuss battle plans, that is all."_

_He crossed his arms over his chest and raised an eyebrow at her._

_"Am I to believe that? Especially after talking with him and Arl Eamon in the main hall."_

_She was looking in front of herself again and he thought he heard her let out a shaky breath._

_"Just battle plans. Go to bed."_

_"Suspense, suspense; commands, commands. I thought nobody could order the king? Or did that change while I wasn't looking?"_

_He had hoped to hear a chuckle or see a crack of a smile, but there was nothing._

_"Goodnight."_

_And she was gone..._

----

As he promised, he stayed at Redcliff; he was the only one in the castle, except for the servants, of course. For some reason, last night just kept replaying in his thoughts. Everything was detailed on her, but that wasn't nothing new.

He flinched at that thought; he woke up thinking she was by his side, like all those nights at their camp, in his tent. But he was alone and he felt like his heart was ripped out of his chest while he still was breathing. Guilt was eating him, but he had to do his duty as king, his duty to Ferelden.

But that would never make him stop loving her. He could hardly sleep last night, for all he could do was toss and turn. It wasn't just because she wasn't at his side, which he so wanted badly, but something was wrong. The way she wanted him to stay here at Redcliff and how she reacted to his question about what Riordan wanted.

And that glazed look in her eyes...

It was intense, but there was more and he couldn't figure out what.

He finally had enough of standing in the tower of the castle, staring out the window. He left the tower and soon found himself in the main hall, in front of the fireplace. He stared at the flames as they flickered in the fireplace. His mind started to wander to their first night together. _Truly_ together. He was the one to approach her and asked to spend the night with her, how afterwards they finally told each other how they felt.

The memory made his heart jerk in pain and he gritted his teeth. How he wish he could have gone back and downright refuse the crown, and stay with her; let Anora be Ferelden's queen. But it was too late now.

"By the Maker, what would have Duncan done if he had been what I was in?"

The thought had crossed him; what would have Duncan done? Would he have refused the crown and stayed with the woman he loved? Or would he had done what he did?

He let out a sigh and decided some rest would be good for him; so, he headed for his room. But his mind was so engrossed in his thoughts that he hadn't noticed he walked into the wrong room.

By the time he snapped out of his thoughts, he was already standing in the middle of _her_ room. He knew it was hers cause of all the books and scrolls, and Wynne was less messy.

He looked around the room and his eyes laid on her bed; he blinked when he noticed a black leathered book lying on the pillow. He recognized it as her diary, the one she wrote in all the time when they had set up camp.

He walked over to the bed and sat down on the edge; he ran his fingers across the diary, over the design in the leather, but jumped when those very designs started to glow. He watched in amazement as the book opened and turned its own pages, but then it stopped.

He stared at the diary cautiously but noticed the entry it was on was last night's. Being rather curious, he picked the diary up and read what was written:

_"I turned down Morrigan's offer. There really was no point in it; I had decided that I would be the one to do the final deed, no matter what Riordan said. I had Alistair go to his room instead of coming with me to talk with Riordan. It was a gut feeling that told me I had too and I was right._

_Riordan told me the reason why it must be a Grey Warden to kill the Archdemon; because the essence of it goes into the Warden as it dies, but because of it, the Warden dies as well._

_Morrigan offered a ritual that would save the Warden that struck down the Archdemon: Alistair had to sleep with her to impregnate her; so when the Archdemon died, its essence went into the child, for it still wouldn't have had a soul of its own._

_But, as I mentioned above, I turned it down and she left. It was then I went to Alistair's room and told...no, commanded him to stay in Redcliff. He resisted at first, but he soon agreed. And I didn't tell him what Riordan and I talked about._

_Despite what happened when he was made king, I know he loves me, and I know that he would have taken the final hit instead of me. That's why I wanted him to stay in Redcliff._

_I will be the one to take the final hit and die alongside the Archdemon._

_I have nothing keeping me here. In truth, I lost what truly held me together. I should have seen it coming, me being a mage and an elf, above all else._

_I purposely kept this diary here on my pillow; I had hoped Alistair would be the one to find this, that's why I had it where this diary would open and go to this entry by his touch. He's too curious for his own good, but I suppose that's what I loved about him._

_This is my goodbye. If Alistair is the one to find this, know that I did this to protect you and for Ferelden to keep its king. And that I will always love you. I always will and I will be waiting for you when it is your time._

_Goodbye, my Alistair."_

The diary found itself on the ground as Alistair's grip had vanished with each word that he read. His hands were trembling...no, his entire body was trembling. Tears had soon found their way into his hands as he buried his tear struck face in them. His shoulders shook horribly as he cried.

It was too late. He couldn't do anything. She was truly gone.

He will never hear her voice. Never see her smile. Feel her soft skin and hair. Smell her rosy scent.

He can never be able to hug her again.

"Nathyrria...I will always love you..."

He can never take back the wrong that he had done...never ask her to come back to his side.


End file.
